Inside/Out


I’m really struggling at the moment…

It’s my senior year. I’m swamped with school work… My classes are intense and challenging- I threw in an extra minor last semester so this semester is heavily focused on Management Information Systems which isn’t something I’m passionate about but I do think Computer Forensics is interesting, and I know living in DC it’s a great “fall back”…

Which could prove necessary…

Because my school district is doing major cutbacks.  It’s so scary.  Basically all our jobs are at risk.  Seniority, education, position, work ethic don’t really matter.  The specifics on how they chose have not been revealed, but I’ve been worried about this for awhile but didn’t know if I should share.  I guess since our Chancellor is all over the news defending this decision it’s okay.

I keep saying “I’m not worried about it. It’s no big deal. It’d be great to get a severance package and hang out at home for a bit.”

That’s not entirely true though.  Even though I’m super busy I don’t want to look for another job, leave my students, start over, lose my direction… Plus, since I’d want to be re-hired in a new position next year I couldn’t take out my aggression, I’d just have to be mature and shake hands which would take out the only possible joy in the situation!

This intensity has led to some really bad choices.  I can’t tell you the last time I exercised (other than the walks and swims with my afterschool crew)…

I didn’t take pictures but I need to be accountable-

Breakfast: rice milk, plain yogurt, protein powder, PB2  and a banana (=smoothie)
Snack: Vanilla Frapp
Lunch: 2 slice of pizza, diet coke and 2 cookies
Snack: Large brownie
Dinner: Chicken sandwich, fries, diet coke, cookie and a cupcake

Truth? I wasn’t hungry after lunch. In the end, the list isn’t very long but the choices were horrendous (except breakfast) and I could have made much better choices.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I start my days with the best intentions which is why my breakfast choices have been pretty good lately and I can even make it through lunch (if I pack it) but then I’m exhausted after my 8-3:30 school day, followed by 3:30-5 afterschool group (parks, pool, walking, high energy) plus the stress of getting my school work done is overbearing.

I’ll keep fighting the *good fight* though. My health is worth it. I’ll figure this out someday.

In the meantime, I’ll keep that smile on my face and make the kids laugh… Apparently Ms. Rebeca is soooooo funny 😉

Any tips?

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Hey y’all…

I’ve rescheduled my entire life.  Well, at least I’m trying to.  A lot of my worries have been eased and while I still have some things to figure out, things are much better over here 😀

So… in keeping with my new attitude and my commitment to do the things that I love along with the things that I just “have to do” I’m going to commit to food blogging again.  Mainly for me.  It definitely stabilizes me and it certainly ups the quality of my eats… sorta 😉

I’ve been battling some illness so I had a liquid breakfast

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A nice mug of Yogi Throat Comfort Tea which has been my saving grace this weekend… Normally, I skip sweetener but I know that honey is actually really good for sore throats plus it made the 10-12 cups a day much more interesting.

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The second part included this really cool powder I was sent.  Macrolife Naturals is a line of food supplement powders and bars.  I know a lot of people are “anti-powders” but I’m a fan.  Last year, when I was a nanny and was home all day I had time to make sure I was covering all my nutritional bases.  Now, that’s not really feasible because I’m out of the house and chasing five year olds seven hours a day.  This helps me meet my nutritional needs without much thought.

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Anyway, it comes in two varieties and this Macrolife Reds is fab-u-lous.  I popped it into the blender with half a frozen banana and some vanilla soymilk.  It tasted similar to strawberry banana but not quite (I’m so eloquent, no?).  I actually hate strawberry banana but I liked this because it wasn’t quite that.  It was berry banana more accurately which I like! A lot!

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Obviously, there was some (soy) milky unsweetened coffee to go.  Obviously.

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A Panera “Bogel” was also consumed.  Cinnamon Krunch.  I have no idea where the other five went.  None.

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Lunch was kind of thrown together. A nice sized salad with romaine, tomatoes, red onion, olives and feta. Oh, and some yummy Greek Dressing.  This is by far my favorite version of salad.  Simple and delicious. Next time, remind me to add capers, k?

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Along with that I had another Macrolife product- one of the bars.  Chocolate Cinnamon. Honestly, this isn’t my favorite combination of flavors.  Chocolate alone would have been grand.  I do love that this is a raw bar and that the first ingredients are brazil nuts (yum) and date paste.  It’s not a Larabar but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  There are some other flavors that are more on my radar- Apple Lemon and Berri Berri are great.  Especially, Berri Berri.

Would I buy these bars and the powder? Honestly, it’s out of my price range.  A three month supply of the powder is $100.00.  That comes out to a dollar a day and believe me I think that health is priceless.  The bars are ~$32.00 for a pack of 12.  That’s almost 3 dollars each.    I did feel really good today.  Significantly better than I did over the last four days that I spent mainly lying around blowing my nose… The feelings could be related to that but maybe the sheer amount of healthy supplements in these products that bombarded my body with what it needed to heal.  Who knows.  I think further research is necessary.

I had an appointment today- good news I don’t have H1N1… for all the concerned parties out there… and if you are sick… go to the doctor better safe than sorry… even if it’s just a cold, you don’t want to share those germs with those around you… Believe me then you’ll feel awful.

By the time I got home, I had a serious craving out of nowhere (actually it’s from a Psych commercial, ten points if you know the one ;).

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Don’t hate. Baked (formerly frozen) fries and some grated Organic Valley Colby cheese.  Mmm. Perfection.  Actually, even though my tummy was full I wasn’t satisfied.  That finger food doesn’t work for me.  I must say though that I think that was the second time in life I had cheese fries (okay third?) I totally see the love.  Yum. (Salad plate- obvi).

I decided to put all that carby goodness to use and went for a treadmill run (so I could get some major reading) done… 40 minutes of that, followed by a quick cooldown on the stationary bike (mostly just so I could finish the chapter!).

I feel great tonight.  I’m not sure what it is but I had a great day… My attitude has definitely shifted and though I have a lot on my plate there are those who have a lot less than I do and I am thankful to be so fortunate.  I got a killer afterschool job that’s just an hour and half which makes my impending move and rent increase (worth it for a bigger place) much more feasible AND I’m loving my classes which makes all the reading and assignments enjoyable.  Gotta love it.  Oh and I got two new students today which splits our class pretty evenly among those lovely strong personalities and the more mellow (read: don’t scream in the hallways) crowd.  I figure that in the next month or so the strong personalities will duke it out and instead of competing will learn how to work together 🙂

Ok… I’m still a little gross in need of a shower and to prep my lunch for tomorrow. Night loves.

I know I owe you guys a real post and when I feel like I can share (or more specifically what I can share) and I’m not so emotional I will… Thanks for all the emails and concerned comments… You people rock my life 😉

Things are kind of rough chez moi.  I can’t seem to wrap my head around my life but that’s my own doing since I work full time in a stressful job, go to school full time with a major and two minors and have a life with important people that I need to make a priority as well.

In all honesty, I have fallen off the healthy eating/living bandwagon and I’m noticing the results… but it’s all about picking myself up and starting over.  I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.

Despite some serious decisions and changes I need to make, I am focusing on the wonderful things in my life, no matter how simple, that bring rays of sunshine to my days.

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These blissful chocolate lava cakes from Dominos… I know… the horror… they’re worth every one of those 357 kcals.  Seriously… Rich, Delicious, Totally Satisfying- A meal in chocolate form. (Hey, I’m keeping it real here, sometimes a girl just needs a little chocolate at the end of the day!).

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I broke my “real” cell phone the other day.  I managed to find an old one that still worked.  It doesn’t always send texts or hold a charge but you know what it does do?  It works enough for me to be able to spend the first part of my morning commute chatting with my mother who helps set the positive tone for my day even if it’s becoming harder to maintain but still… Gotta love the mom time.

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On that cell phone note, the day it broke my brother ran out right away to try to get me a new one.  It didn’t work out but it just helps remind me how great he is.  Even when he annoys me, at the end of the day, he’ll do anything for his big sis…. The shot glass? I bought it for him in 2006 at the zoo.  I just forget to take it to him so it sits on my coffee table and every time I see it I smile.

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My inbox… from the quick emails to my dad in the evenings, to the encouraging ones from you guys throughout the day, even when it overwhelms me there are some hidden gems in there that make it a good thing!

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How random am I? These funky little coasters were a gift from a friend and they also remind me of college nights with my girls back in my dorm days.  Good memories.  Great girls. Good times.

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This little thing is making my school year a million times better!  I used to lose my SmartTrip (kind of like a flash pass for bus/metro here for you none DCers) all the time.  I found this little thing that I can clip to my key chain which I keep clipped to my person (it’s necessary- I may or may not have thrown away a couple of sets  of keys last year too).  That means I always know where it is, I can clip it to my bag so I know where both things are in the AM and I don’t need to take it out to use it either!

Sometimes, the weight of life- adulthood- relationships- career- education- everything just seems unbearable.  It’s so easily to be overwhelmed by these things and feel like you cannot make it through, you cannot sobrevivir (survive but the word breaks down to mean “over-live” it just works better than English, no?).  The truth is that you can and so can I.  Just search for the things that will make you happy, keep you sane, make your life easier.  It’s worth the effort!

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The view from my window- even when I hate my teeny, overpriced place this makes it better

P.S. Don’t forget to enter my Dr.Krackers and my Chobani giveaways 🙂

“Everybody can be great… because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Yesterday, I went to the Capital Area Food Bank.  The CAFB serves the District of Columbia, Maryland and Virginia (DMV).

There are 700,000 hungry people in the DMV area.

Of those, 200,000 are children.

The CAFB depends on corporate and local food drives, but get most of their food from Giant Foods and Safeway.

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The CAFB offers many programs to serve this segment of the population  They offer a brown bag service that gives a bag full of groceries for the elderly every week.  They also have a Kids Cafe and a weekend bag program that gives children on the free and reduced lunch programs in their schools, food during off school hours, as many of them would not eat otherwise.

19% of those served are under the age of 17

11% of those served are over the age of 65

Along with these programs, they have a “shopping floor” where area agencies and shelters can get food to feed those involved with them.  That’s where I worked yesterday.

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It was amazing, heart breaking and hard all at once.  Amazing because there was a little elderly lady who came in who donated a small bag of canned goods and a note that said “God Bless.”  Not to judge by appearances, but surely this was a big gift for her.  Heart breaking when we found boxes of opened goods and others that mice had gotten to.  It was hard to think that the food would not go to families in need, but the CAFB takes the food and gives it to some pig farmers so it doesn’t go to waste.  It was hard because stocking shelves for hours can be back breaking and at times it wasn’t fun.  I just kept reminding myself that I wasn’t doing it for anyone, not the other volunteers, not the coordinator, just to help in the best way that I can.

There are countless ways that you too can help fight hunger in your community.

*Find a local food bank and donate a couple of hours of your time- we’re all busy but that time you spent vegging on the couch watching Real Desperate Housewives Marathons could have been spent helping others, that’s what DVR is for.

*When you go grocery shopping and find a steal, grab a few extra and have a bag set aside for donations- If you’re a Costco member and you get a mega 6 pack of pasta, give one away, you’re still getting a great deal and a family of four won’t have to worry about dinner one night.

*Support businesses that are doing more. Shoprite and General Mills are offering a Blog It Forward program.

ShopRite Partners In Caring, a regional hunger-fighting initiative is partnering with General Mills to raise awareness about the issue of hunger.  the ShopRite Partners In Caring program has donated $2 million annually to local food banks – $20 million to date.  In these troubled economic times, there is more need for food assistance than ever in our communities and we need to get the word out!  That’s why we’re asking for your help.General Mills and ShopRite will donate one box of cereal to a food bank in ShopRite’s trading area for the first 30 people who comment on your post.

That’s right… another way to help is to leave a comment on this post.  Most of us don’t know what it’s like to be hungry.  We are “starving” if it’s been too many hours since breakfast.  There are many out there who know true hunger and if 10 seconds of your time can make a difference, do it.

Please support Partner’s In Caring and All Vegged Out in this effort. I know this isn’t a traditional giveaway because you aren’t getting anything, but someone will definitely benefit.  Sometimes it’s worth being selfless!

Dang… I spent too much money today.  Wait, no I didn’t.  I love my 30% off coupon.  I got a bunch of good stuff- four sweaters for work, a new bra for runs, two tanks for yoga/runs for… forty dollars.  Yes, yes, yes! I’m am the ill bargain shopper.  I should give classes, but then people might grab the good stuff before I can get to it… hmmm.

Before I left, I had a quick breakfast so I could catch the next bus.

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That’s not a peanut butter cookie… but it’s the best Larabar I’ve ever had.  Take note that I’ve only had two other flavors.  It was more like a healthy PB cookie not like the decadent ones I used to make all the time! I only ate one of those clementines the other was bad 😦

I had plans to get a taco for lunch.  I had a major craving, but once there I just couldn’t stand the smell of them.  I guess my tastes have changed pretty drastically because I used to work at a taco place (one horrific summer) and I enjoyed my free meal daily!

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I got a five dolla instead. Loaded with veggies, pepperjack and honey mustard, just the way I like it.  Bread was soooo good today! Yum.

The lady gave me TWO FREE chocolate chip cookies.

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No anthrax, JVal (or at least I hope so). I think it’s just because I noticed that she was speaking Spanish with ease as opposed to English, so I just switched to what I knew she was most comfortable with. She said they couldn’t sell them because when they baked they all ran into each other.  Oh well.  I ate one. It was good!  I don’t know what I’ll do with the other… they don’t really freeze well and they’re not exactly health food.

I actually ate at weird times and I’m still not hungry so I don’t know what dinner will be. I guess I’ll update that tomorrow.

I had such a strange body confidence day.  In my old jeans and a free from work “teacher-esque” tee I still got hit on a ton at the mall.  *sigh* Too bad that’s not my style.

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Oh my gosh, I just put a real picture of myself on the internet.  If you know me, you’ll know that I’ve always hated full body pics from 12 onward no matter what size (correlation with that ED onset, no?).  Well, today, even though I’m not perfect (duh) and I still want to make improvements, I’m proud to be who I am.  Once upon a time, I was 45 lbs heavier and I’ve worked really hard to be healthy and to do so without falling into old, horrific habits.  I had to stand on a stool to take this picture fyi… I’m too much of a shortie to be seen otherwise. It’s easy to look in the mirror and say I don’t have guns like Madonna (ew) and I’m not a stick figure, but I like my curves and no amount of exercise or dieting is going to get rid of them.  I choose to be proud of them, and thankful for them since I don’t want to be a LaLohan (ew again).

What are you most thankful to your body for?

I’m thankful to my body because it gets through runs even when my knees don’t like me, and 20+ mile bike rides, and long yoga sessions.  It always gets me where I need to go especially since I don’t drive.  It’s forgiven me for all the years where I mistreated it first by underfeeding it and later by neglecting it entirely and ignoring all the warnings it gave me.

P.S. That’s my mom I’m on the phone with (who else would it be haha).  Also the shirt says “Exercise Grows Brain Cells” on the front, and “Healthy Active Kids Make Better Learners” on the back (’tis true).

I’m going to try to make this fast because I’m not feeling that great at the moment.  It’s just been a gloomy day and I was doing some experimenting with a recipe that didn’t turn out right, and while I’m sure tomorrow’s version will be perfect, today’s left me disappointed after hours of work.

It doesn’t help that since I’m on vacation, I’ve decided that means I can give into my desires to stay up all night and sleep through the day.  That’d be fine if I didn’t have this whole internal alarm clock curse of adulthood and responsibility that wakes me up at a decent hour.

Anyway, I was craving PB+J toast after seeing some on Rose’s blog today.  The problem was I didn’t have any strawberry jam and that’s what I wanted.

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Luckily, I had strawberries.  My friend SW wrote about this once on her long-gone LiveJournal and it’s become a favorite of mine.

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Nut butter + Fresh Fruit Sammies.  Yum yum yum.

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In this case it was more Barney Butter.  It was much better today.  Made me mix regular old PB and not all the flavor kinds I have on hand.  I will try BB crunchy though since apparently that’s where it’s at!

Then I cleaned out my cupboards got rid of expired things, packed some things to donate to the Food Bank and realized that I really need to eat more of what’s in my pantry instead of shopping for new things.  I think I’m going to challenge myself to do just that in August.  We’ll see though, I might have to stock up on Almond Milk and cheat a little bit.

I also walked and thrifted a little bit.  I got pretty dishes, some of which I think are worth a lot more than the 25 cents I paid for them!

Lunch was oatmeal (well multigrain cereal whatev)

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Yes, oats with almond milk and pureed blueberries.  Delicious.  Baby spoon required.

Then I tried the thing I baked and it was good but the texture is off, it will be fixed very soon and you will see it then!

Dinner was thrown together because I was tired of my kitchen and needed something that wasn’t sweet in my mouth asap.

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Tortilla pizza with TJs sauce, fresh mozzarella and feta.  I would have put veggies on it but I haven’t been shopping in weeks and the ones I do have didn’t really work with this 🙂

I guess I wasn’t done with the sugar though because I immediately grabbed a clementine out of the fridge after dinner.

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*sigh*

I’m actually content today.  I’ve been reconnecting with an old friend and having fun doing so.  It’s amazing how the people we grew up with become such different adults than we pictured they would be.  It’s a good thing though, at least in this case.  I’m just disappointed in my baking project but I need to get over that and just dream of how I can make it better 🙂

Have you ever had a kitchen/baking disaster?

I do all the time, well I used to.  I think they made me a better cook/baker as a result because I know what to avoid!

This post is a little different.

I had a day.

Not a bad day, school was its usual self (good), but I was just struggling.

My feelings were hurt and I was upset and who better to take that anger out on but myself.

Wait.

What?

It seems like when I’m having a bad day the person who suffers is me, more than anyone else. Instead of dealing with my issues with people, I let them weigh heavily on me and try to find a way to overpower those feeling. That usually ends up resulting in some really awful food choices.

On the one hand, today was no different. I ate a really small breakfast (as in handful of cereal and some berries) with the hope that I’d eat some fruit at school, but then fevers abounded and we were back and forth in the nurse’s office calling parents (sad). So, I got on the bus starving and upset.

Never a good combination.

I sat there dreaming of junk food and made my self a pretty junky lunch that I dove into and purposefully “couldn’t find the cam.”

On the other hand, today was a victory. I stopped eating maybe a quarter of the way through.

I wasn’t enjoying the food.

It made me feel awful.

Then I thought about what we talked to our students about today.

If “A” pushes you, then you, person “B,” needs to say something to them. It is your responsibility to defend yourself. Mr. R said to the kids “That is what life is. Constantly setting boundaries with people. It is your job. It is not easy, but if you want to be happy you have to.” Little did he know that his partner in crime needed that lesson as well.

So, I stopped eating the junk. Took a nap. Yes! I was tired. I have work to do. Illnesses are going around school. My body needs rest.

Then I got up, read a book, not a school book. Yes! My soul needs rest. My brain needs a break. There’s time enough for schoolwork.

It’s getting dark so I won’t head out for an outdoor ride but I’m going to go for an indoor one. Not to burn off calories but because it makes my body feel strong, it makes me happy and it’ll help clear my head.

So, I’m going to work on setting my limits, saying NO, doing what I think is best for ME. That’s not selfish or wrong, that’s healthy. Just as good food and regular exercise are part of this journey to real healthy living, for me, loving myself and protecting myself are part of the plan!

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