It seems like everyone and their mother can find the ‘on switch’ to a binge. Excuse me, to my binge.  A crass word or look on the train, disrespect and fighting from the kids, cattiness and childishness from my coworkers, a less than perfect grade or too many assignments from my professors, etc. etc.  Most anyone’s actions and reactions toward me can trigger some serious upset within me.  The kind of upset that finds me stuffing my face with dip-laden chip after dip-laden chip, cookie after cookie, and donut after donut (i.e. too much of the last few days!).

Part of me wants to say…

I have now resolved to ignore these external forces

Yeah… that’s not going to happen.  Even if it were possible not to let those around me affect me, it is impossible to erase the years of self-loathing, and self-destructive patterns that I have grown accustomed to.  How long has it been since I binged and purged?  A year or so. A few days.  Sad that it was almost as if another person did these things and I’m reporting from the sidelines because Beck + E.D. is a messed up person.

What I want to know is how do I shut it off before it gets there?  How do I stop myself from dreaming of all the things I can eat as soon as I get home when I’m having a rough day?  Where’s the off switch to a binge?

I know I can go for a walk or do some yoga poses but in those moments I am on a mission.  Perhaps, I need to develop some skills to release tension as I go?

Until then, I’ll just try this.

At the very least, I have lost .4 lbs… um I’m attributing this to the early part of the week where I ate well.  I also started a new training plan that I started and continued today (I’m usually a two day gal, so we’ll see how tomorrow goes!)  I’m also recomitting myself to the Oh She Glows Bikini Body Boot Camp.

On to my fabolous eats from today…

Cereal Mess

Breakfast was mix of TJs High Fiber Worms, 1/2 c. of Clifford Crunch and 1/2 c. of PB Puffins (why, yes, I am five!).

I didn’t pack a lunch because I thought I could leave work early today, no such luck 😥 So, I had the emergency snacks in my classroom…

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Oatmeal To Go (oatmeal raisin) and…

Fuji

A huge, perfectly ripe Fuji.

I got home so late and felt kind of faint on my walk home so I had a mini sub and a juice box (a la subway).

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Definitely a good snack (the sub) at 180 kcal. Yum! I knew I’d never make it to the dinner that I had prepped and planned for which is why I grabbed this.

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Dinner was a huge pile of SP fries (a whole SP) and a Boca burger with a small salad on the side (didn’t want the rest of that juicy tomato to go to waste).  Um, that Boca burger was hard as a rock… I don’t know why but I’m majorly annoyed! I tried to take a bite of the center but the flavor was blech. I should’ve just stuck with my Morningstar or Okara Courage burgers!

While my dinner was cooking I did a cardio DVD (super fun) and tried to decide whether I should go buy some crack diet soda. I have major cravings for it but when it’s not around I either have water since that’s the only other beverage other than “milk” that I keep in my fridge. I’m still undecided…

After a quick 20 minute yoga session…my body feels so tight right now, I’m not sure why… this Heart Opening Flow was amazing… lots of warriors and triangles which I usually hate but were just right tonight.  Right now I’m still craving movement… I gotta jack that P90X Yoga DVD from a friend it’s very satisfying.

After a shower, I had this tropical dessert…

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This fruit was perfectly ripe *sigh* I love the summer and mangoes and pineapple!

Can I just say, that I love not working after school days (that aren’t Wednesday paper nights or Friday friend nights)… excitement!

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