I’m barely making it right now. I had about an hour, tops, of sleep. Since, I just finished my paper, and I have to stay awake because I’m working at the moment I figured now would be the best time to update.

Grr, there’s also work stuff that’s going to make today very un-enjoyable since I didn’t make any other plans for the weekend. Not good, not good. Your work and your “home” should not be the same place. I’ve been avoiding talking specifics on here since you know the internet is open to everyone but really, I think it’d be a relief to be fired for what I say here and not have to quit. (Mostly because being fired means severance pay). I’m just trying to make it through the year so I have a ‘safety net’ money wise so I can get an apartment and a new job and all that. I hope I can do it. Thank God for my wonderful parents and friends who let me vent my feelings when I need to, or else I’d be knee deep in a whole lot of junk food, well more than usual I guess. The vast majority of the reason that my paper didn’t get done till twenty minutes ago is the fact that this week I spent too much of it so down that I crawled into bed and just blasted my iPod and *tried* to fall asleep because I couldn’t deal with my thoughts and during the day I’d be on ‘forrent.com’ talking myself off the ledge with the price of apartments in the area and on ‘ikea.com’ decorating my new apartment. I do try to have a good attitude though. Last night I was on Weight Watchen and I watched Roni’s latest video. It spoke to me in so many ways, both in terms of weight and food but just life in general. She said something along the lines of when you go into things with a good attitude that it makes it better (she was talking about feeling discouraged after losing a lot of weight but still knowing that you had a lot more to lose, which is also something I’m dealing with, and I botched it up, so watch her video!). So, I’ve been working hard this week to live like that. To come downstairs at 6:15 with a smile even when the thought of facing the day co-existing with some people seems impossible. I also do it when I look in the mirror and know that I’ve lost 25 pounds which is awesome, but also that I’m no where near my goal, closer but not near, and I have to stand there and remind myself that it could be worse, that I could have wasted 2008 like I did 2007 (and 2006 and 2005 etc.) and dig myself deeper into a hole, but instead I’m working my way out of that trap. On the one hand, I want to stay in the area but are the reasons to stay here worth it? Thirty percent of the days they are, but the other seventy percent they are more than worth it, and they make me so hopeful for the future.

I don’t want to “fail.” I don’t want to “give up.” I don’t want to go back to the life that was so isolated and painful that it led me to many of my issues. Those fears are enough to keep me from moving back to Buffalo- my own apartment or otherwise.

Okay… I’m done. Self pity bothers me. Tears bother me. Complaining bothers me. Yet, they have been a large part of my life of late… Time to change that. Today will be a good day. There will be a nap. There will be a trip to the gym. There will be much homework done. There will be much cleaning and packing for my trip to Buffalo. Maybe I can even work it out so I can do the fun things that I’d rather do instead of all that 🙂

Ohhhhk.

Thursday

Lunch was a gorgeous, and delicious salad:

It was really simple, the little bit of romaine I had left, spring mix (my favorite) and tomatoes (I haven’t had them in ages, but these were vine ripened which supposed to be safe). I topped it with Annie’s Papaya Poppyseed dressing. This is my new favorite dressing. I must admit that I’m not a fan of Goddess, there’s something about it that turns me off, probably some forgotten food memory (like don’t get me started on strawberry banana!).

Dinner was an experiment. It’s an adapted recipe from Veganomicon.

It’s her Mushroom, Spinach Strata. I just wrapped it in phyllo because I had defrosted some to make a pastry and thought it’d work. Now, it did, but flavor-wise it wasn’t what I’d imagined, so I just felt disappointed. I only ate about half of it so I’m not sure what was going on with my taste buds though because all the ingredients are things I love!

I made a Chocolate Hazelnut Strudel:

I will do a whole recipe thing for this one sometime soon(ish). Each piece is about 100 kcal. I had three. They were delicious. I love chocolate and hazelnuts and phyllo. Wonderful.

Afterward, I just wanted a glass of milk.

It’s a mix of 4 oz. of vanilla hemp milk and 4 oz. of Soy Slender Cappuccino flavor. Yum!!!

Friday

Breakfast was another lovely bowl of banana oats.

It’s pretty much what I had on Thursday except instead of vanilla soy milk I used chocolate. It was good, but the chocolate took away from the banana goodness. That’s probably the first time I’ve ever picked another flavor over chocolate!

We spent the day at the mall. The twins and I ‘shopped’ and the two Js went to see Wall E. (which the 7 year old said was perfect!). It was hard though because I was really hungry and the food court is like chicken place, steak place, chicken place, etc. I hit up Subway but I also learned an important lesson.

I had a ‘veggie patty’ sub with lots of veggies and a little oil and vinegar. The lesson: I need to look up stuff before I go out because the patty had egg whites in it. Grr. I don’t want to be crazy about label reading (like make my friends show me the label on a loaf of bread before making a sandwich from it or anything like that) but I really should be more prepared. Is there something online that outlines vegan options at popular restaurants? I would be really upset about this but it’s not worth it, I’m doing better than I was and I will continue to do better. Aspiring and all that.

Then the twins and I walked through the parking lot, picking Trader Joes over clothes. Big mistake. Even though I would have loved to pick up big containers of soy yogurt and tofu and such, the things that I could have bought were also the things that I bought at Giant earlier this week. Frankly, the Annapolis Trader Joe’s is too small to really carry anything worth going for unless you’re already in the area and stocking up on yogurt and such (even though if one eats cheese you should go since it devotes like 25% of the store to it!).

Anyway, afterward there wasn’t much mall time left so we got ‘ice cream.’

The girls had vanilla with sprinkles and I had mango sorbet (non dairy). It was so light but delicious (and fat free!). It’s also 90 kcal a serving. Wow. Oh it’s from Maggie Moos. It’s like Coldstone price wise, but I’ve never actually eaten Coldstone so I can’t really compare the two taste wise. I would spend the three dollars for the sorbet but not the 6 for a milkshake. Oh wow, I just realized how much sorbet you could buy at the supermarket for that! Oh well. Once in awhile is okay, especially since it’s been ages since I’ve even been to the mall and even longer since I got anything there.

Dinner was the fastest thing I could think of:

Couldn’t get a good picture, but it’s just leftover pasta and roasted eggplant, carrots and parsnips. I never had parsnips before, at least that I can remember… yum! It wasn’t very filling though, I’m not sure why.

So then I had another piece of strudel then a lot of cookies. I mean not all at once but overnight it was giving me a sugar high that kept me from crashing… Such a bad plan because for my ‘break’ I checked a few blogs and I think I left a few crazy, sugar induced comments on Chris’s blog. Oops… sorry man! Lol.

Okay… yesterday was kind of a bust and my stomach hurts from all that sugar and stuff and even though the thought of dessert kind of makes my stomach turn, I saw this on fitsugar.com and thought it was right up your guy’s alley (is your guy’s even grammatically correct? who cares).

2 ripe bananas

2 T. crunch PB

8 graham cracker rectangles, broken into squares (so 16)

Mash the bananas and PB together in a bowl. Divide among half of the graham crackers. Top with other half of the graham crackers. Then wrap them in foil and freeze for at least 6 hours. Apparently they’re like ‘guilt-free’ ice cream sandwiches. YUM!

Advertisements